Consider this example. You have a friend who has just informed you that her mother has died. Your mother is alive and well, but getting up there in years. You support your friend by listening to her stories, empathizing with her tears and reassuring her that her mother is in a better place now.

But, something begins to happen to you. You begin to wonder what it would be like to lose your mother. As soon as you have that thought, you feel guilty. You question yourself if you are actually looking forward to her death, and not having to take on the responsibility of caring for her physical needs as she declines. You even actually go as far as imagining what her funeral will be like. Will you cry? Will you be relieved? Will you be in shock? You then dismiss those thoughts and tell yourself that you are "crazy" to even think these things and you go back to focusing your thoughts on your friend and her real grief.

What you just did was a dress rehearsal for grief. Some will call it anticipatory grief and it is a productive way of checking out with yourself how you may handle such a tragedy in your life.

This process is actually a normal part of living and it helps us plan for the inevitable. If we can assure ourselves that we are going to live through a likely tragedy of losing a parent, we can be better prepared when that day actually comes.

However, anticipatory grief can turn into pathological grief and you need to know if that is the case. It is an unhealthy condition and needs to be treated by a mental health professional.

Here are the signs that your anticipatory grief is not normal:

1. You find that you are thinking about possible tragedies such as death of a family member on daily basis  when that person is not ill nor is in danger of dying in the near future
2. You find that your functioning level at work or at school is suffering because of your preoccupation with  these thoughts
3. You find that you are mostly dreaming about possible losses in your life
4. You feel anxious when anyone talks about illness or death
 
If you have any of these symptoms you may want to seek out a mental health professional to discern whether or not you need ongoing psychological services to help you with decreasing these symptoms.

Ongoing anticipatory grief reactions and anxiety symptoms can lead to physical problems such as high blood pressure, headaches, stomach aches, irritable bowel symptoms and other medical issues.

Anticipatory grief is a natural part of life and if you are able to recognize that this is what you are going through, maybe you will feel less alone and more prepared.

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